Oscar Pistorius tells a South African court that he never wants to handle a firearm again and he suffers from nightmares, as he takes the stand in his trial for the alleged murder of Reeva Steenkamp.
A soft-spoken and tearful Pistorius, who has exercised his right to not be seen on camera as he gives evidence, took to the stand in Pretoria on Monday, and began with an apology to the family of Reeva Steenkamp (see video, above).
The Paralympian said: “I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Mrs and Mr Steenkamp, to Reeva’s family, to those of you who knew her who are here today.
Watch live: Oscar Pistorius gives evidence
“There is not a moment, and there hasn’t been a moment since this tragedy happened, that I haven’t thought about your family.
“I wake up in the morning and you are the first people I think of, the first people I pray for. I can’t imagine the pain and the emptiness and the sorrow that I have caused you.
“I was simply trying to protect Reeva, I can promise that when she went to bed that night she felt love. I have tried to put my words on paper many, many times to write to you but no words would suffice.”
Responding to questions from his defence counsel, Barry Roux, Pistorius told the court that he was on anti-depressants and medication to help him sleep.
“I am so scared to sleep for several reasons,” he said. “I have terrible nightmares about things that happened that night, where I can smell the blood, and I wake up to being terrified, just in a complete state of terror, to a point where I would rather not sleep than sleep and wake up to that.”
He said in March and April last year he lost a significant amount of weight.
Pistorius also said that he doesn’t “ever want to handle a firearm again or be around a firearm.”
Barry Roux spent a lot of time addressing incidents from Pistorius’ past that may explain fear or paranoia in the athlete – including his upbringing as the child of a single mother, a serious boat accident, and crimes committed against his family and himself.
Pistorius described how in late 2012 he received threats from a person, and shortly afterwards he was hit on the head. He was left with a black eye and needing stitches in the back of his head.
He also talked about incidents where he had intervened to stop people being assaulted.
Pistorius told the court that he did drink alcohol, and had been drinking on the day of the incident, but was “not intoxicated”.
He also said that he had never taken any sport-enhancing drugs “or anything that would give me an advantage over other competitors”.
Earlier, the court had heard from forensic pathologist Jannie Botha, who was subjected to an intense grilling from prosecutor Gerrie Nell.
Mr Botha said that Steenkamp would not have been able to raise her arm after she was shot, contradicting the evidence of a pathologist who gave evidence for the prosecution.
The evidence included graphic descriptions of how Steenkamp died, and photos of bullet wounds.
Pistorius sat with his hands over his head during the evidence, and retched into a bucket.