Hot weather warning: more like a load of hot air
Oh to be in England now that a few hours of the kind of weather the south-east has every year is about to happen. Because of this entirely predictable and normal event, it is good to see we have what we need: emergency advice and plenty of it.
Not a cloud in sight as terror HEATWAVE killer savages London pic.twitter.com/WgPgsCR9ET
— alex thomson (@alextomo) July 17, 2014
The key thing is to avoid standing in the sun for hours wearing chain mail.
Oh and remember to drink water which is a drink and can be drunk using your mouth. Please also remember that it is important to swallow the water for the full benefit.
Those using public transport are advised to breathe – particularly during the peak hours of travel. Failure to breathe – particularly in hot and crowded places – can quickly lead to light-headedness and Seasonally Affected Suddenly Falling Over Syndrome.
For those caught out by the lethally fatal killer temperatures in cars, both passengers and drivers should bear in mind that repeatedly smashing your head against the dashboard could cause head injuries including an injured head.
On the subject of cars, it is advisable to remove all pets from any vehicle if you intend throwing unleaded petrol over the interior upholstery and setting it on fire.
Research by leading animal welfare charities shows this can be highly dangerous and cause injury to most leading breeds of dog.
Lastly, those not living in the overheated, self-absorbed south-east are advised to patronise each other with any pointless guff to hand, using new and old media, in order to feel a part of what is going on.
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