A Christmas cracker of a plot

While the rest of the nation was stuffing itself with turkey, thinking about the boxing day sales, waiting for the new year to turn, a huddle of once-powerful politicians concocted a sophisticated plan to overthrow the Labour leader as late as possible before the next general election.

Today the plot burst into life. Forget Guy Fawkes. Forget any previous plots you have heard of. This one had not only the ring of truth, but that confidence of delivery and eventual success written all over it.

Step forward Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt, two formidable titans of Labour’s Cabinet graveyard. With only months to serve themselves as MPs, the thought that Gordon Brown should outstay their own tenure had proved just too much to bear. The boil must be lanced and letters despatched, urging Labour MPs to hold a secret ballot.

Well, I cannot report that there are waves of Labour’s finest swarming across the snow-clad fields of Westminster, pens poised, X’s ready in search of the ballot papers.

This Christmas cracker had a ring of the theatre of the absurd – the shortest suicide note in history. It looks as if it is sunk beneath the rising piles of snowflakes gathered around the palace of Westminster.

This bird can only fly if some serious serving Labour heavyweights aid it. And so far, while rumours swirl, beyond the strange tweet from Ed Miliband which sported the words “Tessa” and “Jowell”, there’s no hint of anyone doing anything.