The HSBC board game that defies all-comers

Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard, Mrs White and the Reverend Green. Why do I awaken this sunless morn to thoughts of Cluedo?

In this HSBC tax dodging scandal there is no Mrs White. No regulator, minister, or tax inspector that is whiter that white. So that shoves her off the board.

The regulatory failure enshrined in the HMRC’s five year long possession of a disc of named account holders in HSBC’s Swiss bank has no parallel.

We thought the regulators had failed in 2008. But the failure to pass the details of what appears to have been gross criminality by gangs of British tax evaders to either the financial regulators or the Treasury, beggars belief.

Now, not every name on the disc is an evader. He or she may just be an avoider. But either way, the HMRC has solemnly hung on to the disc and its list of account holders,  for five long years.

Five long years in which they have retrieved tax amounting to £135m from the billions of pounds worth of tax that so many thousands evaded.

Five years in which they have prosecuted just one person and are still, supposedly, trying to prosecute 13 others.

No wonder Colonel Mustard is to be found in the library ogling the lead piping. I am talking less of murder and more of containment. For one senses that the “authorities” have long hoped to keep the lid on this particular box closed.

But even the wielding of the lead piping , or the neighbouring candlestick, can no longer contain this scandal. Too many people know.

So now we turn to Reverend Green.

Who knew that in addition to his regular function as London curate, this accomplished “board player” had served not only as a Tory peer, a minister, and chairman of HSBC, but also as chairman of the very HSBC Swiss entity that has operated as the crucible for the richest one per cent of the population to do their worst with our taxes?

Wasn’t it Jesus who suggested that the rich should give to the poor?

In this particular game the rich stole from the poor, closed NHS hospitals, cut benefits and then made off to their overseas estates to bask in the sun.

Perhaps that is another factor that renders Mrs White a little less than white – that suntan.

So what now of Professor Plum? Is he, or anyone bright enough anywhere to unravel this game? Miss Scarlet perhaps? Despite her fancy shoes, she hasn’t shown much enthusiasm for ensuring any of these miscreants don’t pass go, don’t pick up yet another £200 and end up in jail (forgive my mixed metaphors).

Ah, Mrs Peacock perhaps – dammit, she’s dead – natural causes they say.

Game over.