I nearly stripped naked on stage the other night

I appeared on the west end stage the other night for the first time. I appeared in the company of a number of naked women.

Actually they had put their clothes back on by the time I joined them. The cause was cancer; the reason was the west end opening of Calendar Girls.

Yes To Life is a charity that assists with a holistic approach to cancer treatment – alternative and conventional therapies interwoven. The impresario Cameron Mackintosh had donated the opening night to the charity as a fundraiser.

It was my task to intersect with the actresses on stage after the play.

Nudity is a funny thing. Not sure why. In a way it’s like death: something we haven’t quite sorted out in public.

My last encounter with mass nudity was at the Saatchi Gallery. I found myself squeezing past hundreds of buttocks of both sexes amid an artwork that involved the undressing of several hundred men and women of all ages.

There is something strange about being the only clothed person in such a circumstance. Interestingly, it is uncomfortable, and you suffer an overwhelming desire to take your own clothes off. It must be what psychiatrists call “the herd instinct”. You are more embarrassed dressed than you ever could be undressed.

Fortunately the moment passes – as I’m relieved to report it did last night.

All I was left to do in the end was to auction a very pink cushion with tassels and sporting a woven photo of the original starring cast of the 2003 Calendar Girls film.

Helen Mirren who had top billing, appeared in the centre of the picture. She had signed the cushion “Helen Mirren – now you can sit on my face”. What thespian versatility! (see my Bafta/Phedre blog above)