My Wimbledon debut

I appeared on court two at Wimbledon on Friday – the show court where the likes of Roddick, Federer, and Murray gave exhibition warm ups during the championships this year.

A new court surrounded by 4,000 seats, every one of which was empty.

I had bid for the game at a charity auction, a game with a prestigious and well known tennis aficionado, followed by lunch in the club house. It was a doubles match.

Modesty does not prevent me after two sets from describing myself as one of the few British male tennis players who can boast that he is “undefeated at Wimbledon”.

But there is something about going through the paces of the great within a week of their doing so themselves. Everywhere you tread, you feel that some great tennis shoe has preceded you. Even in the men’s showers I learned that Federer always uses the same cubicle.

So of course, given that there were a dozen to choose from, I chose his and wondered if I had been the first to use the shower gel bottle since he did.

It sort of reminds me of Monty Python’s Life of Brian, where the “disciples” follow a shoe dropped by the “messiah” – except that in my case it was a shower gel bottle.

The staff sell off the men’s tennis shoes deployed in the championship – endless pairs of them. But they are grass court shoes, and I have never played on grass until this momentous day and never expect to again, so I eschewed the chance.

Anyway, curiously, I drew the line at interchangeable athletes foot.

My next brush with greatness comes this week on Tuesday. And I mean brush. Channel 4 incredibly generously commissioned the artist John Keane to paint my portrait following twenty uninterrupted years “doing” Channel 4 news.

He’s going to show it to me on Tuesday morning for the first time. I mean supposing it’s “not me”… he’s so good I doubt that will be the case, but there is something odd about the prospect of gazing at someone else’s idea of me.

Mind you, it would be easier if I had my own idea of me. I must work on that – now where are my brushes – other than those with greatness?