Fergie’s autobiography: digested read

Don’t expect any Proustian proclamations, but it rambles, it roils, and it’s quite surprisingly readable. It avoids the dreadful ersatz that afflicts so many sporting biogs. Sometimes, stream of consciousness ain’t half bad.

You’ll get through it in a couple hours – if you’ve a couple hours to spare. But if you don’t, here’s Sir Alex Ferguson‘s boiled-down “my autobiography”.

Beckham – ran around a lot. Until he got lazy and stopped running around a lot. Could have been great. but head was turned by celebrity. Wasted his talent. Ended up in America and started running around a lot again.

Rio – the complete article but prone to casualness and a bit of an airhead. Which apparently explains why he missed a drugs test and got banned for eight months.

Ronaldo – glad we knocked the prissy ballerina out of him because he’s a god. even if he did leave us for Madrid.

Dennis Wise – a “nasty little player” who got away with “underhand physicality” and was good at “leaving his foot in; arriving a fraction late”.

Keane – he really was great. But he shouted a lot. then he got old and slow and all that shouting gave me a headache. So he got the silver bullet.

Van Nistelrooy – completely selfish and a great assasin. Which made him one of United’s best-ever strikers.

Mourinho – “a cheeky young sod”. But now good friends. And on that pitch-running episode: “I admire people who show you their emotions. It shows you they care”.

Wenger – a fellow survivor. But whinges too much.

Glazers – it’s not their fault they’re rampant capitalists (and they let me do whatever I wanted).

The media – never let ’em see you sweat. “Look in that mirror and put the Alex Ferguson face on.”

Rooney – prodigiously talented but “not the fastest learner”. And too gobby for his own good. So “I left him to discuss his future with David Moyes.”

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