Interview with Recruit 1 - Ricky

6 May 2021

Ricky

Recruit: 1

Age: 39

Profession: Firefighter 

Hometown/Region: London

Background

Ricky has been with the London fire service for 15 years and was one of the firefighters on call at Grenfell. He entered Grenfell three times. In his third attempt he was running out of air on the 15th floor and his whistle was going off to tell him he was running low. He decided to follow protocol and leave, as he should have been out of the building before the warning. As a result, he was not able to rescue the occupant of an apartment. He later found out that person had died.

Since the event, Ricky suffered from PTSD and guilt for not entering that 15th floor apartment. He at one point felt as though he would never stop feeling sad. However, he relied on his support network and the counselling provided to get him through.

 

Tell me about your experience on SAS: Who Dares Wins? 
SAS: Who Dares Wins gave me an opportunity to re-focus. When I say that, I mean in every way possible. Having suffered with PTSD, it gave me an opportunity to show others who have suffered with the same, that PTSD doesn't need to define who you are. It simply highlights a time in your life. There is a future after it. There is hope. There will be a time when happiness will exist, as long as you have faith and bravery and support. What I wanted to achieve was a new timeline. It would no longer be my previous life experiences that defined me. It would be my choices. My bravery. My determination to recover, that would demonstrate my strength. The course is its own entity, as was my journey. I am living and public proof that recovery from PTSD is a genuine realistic possibility and therefore, it is for anyone.

 

Did you find it difficult? Was it more difficult than you expected?

It was incredibly difficult from the outset. To embark on a journey of self-discovery like we all did, requires an incredible amount of bravery because it exposes your vulnerabilities like nothing else. It challenges you to confront insecurities that have long been hidden and buried beneath the truth of your genuine self. It forces you to confront demons you didn't think you could confront and pushes you towards limitations that weren't previously in view.

 

Have you ever done anything like this before?

I don't think anyone (non-military) has ever experienced anything like this before. The most self-assured, confident and self-aware person will be forced to confront aspects of their personality that they have never faced or even considered until now. It's hard, but astounding to be faced with the reality of your perceived limitations….and then surpass them.

 

What made you sign up?

In all honesty, I was drunk and a bit lost. I needed a purpose. I needed a cause. I needed a reason to stop drinking. To stop taking drugs and to refocus my pain onto something positive that will help me heal instead of wallow in self-pity and despair. Instead of a life of guilt, I chose a life of closure and hope.

 

What training did you do in preparation for this course?

A good friend and fellow firefighter, who is a former Royal Marine, designed a bespoke training schedule for me. He is an incredible PT as well as life coach who taught me how to work hard for something, but being wise and comfortable enough to recognise the difference between achievement and appeasement.

 

What was the best part of the series for you?

I feel that I have met an incredible group of people who were all looking for something. Quantification. Clarity. Validity. Belonging. I am proud and privileged to have been a part of that.

 

What was the hardest part of the series for you?

Understanding the difference between needing to stay for me and needing to stay for others.

 

What is your biggest fear and has this experience helped you get over that fear?

I have no fears. I never have had. Life is a journey. It should always be that. It should never be a set of parameters. A set of limitations. A set of rules. A set of fears. I will always set about life with the same determination I had when I was sent to rescue a man from the 15th floor of Grenfell Tower with no water, not enough air, insufficient equipment and seemingly no hope. But with a shit ton of confidence.

 

You had to share all your space with women for the whole time you were there, including sleeping and toilets. How did you find that?

Why would gender even be an issue? Women are incredible in their own right. I salute, commend and respect them for both their individuality and their strength, mental and physical.

 

Would you ever do it again?

Yes, if you promise it is somewhere hot. In fact I promise to take part in the next series if you PROMISE it is somewhere nicer than Scotland...just somewhere warm. I will accept Margate in June.

 

What do you think you’ve learnt about yourself?

I learnt that people have suffered more than me and despite that, can be stronger. I have learnt that my problems may be big to some, but equally small to others. Most importantly I have learnt that it is possible to be insecure, black, female, a former criminal, transgender, drug addict, victim, bully, judged or broken and still find the strength to inspire a nation through your actions alone. That is a nobility that is not born of birth but earnt through tears.

 

Has being on the series changed your life in anyway?

Yes. in every way imaginable.  Thank you.