Interview with Sex Box host Goedele Liekens

11 April 2016

You’re presenting the new series of Sex Box on Channel 4. What’s the show all about?

Sex Box aims to encourage couples to talk more openly about sex in a light-hearted, realistic and respectful manner.

The show is about couples coming to get exercises or tasks to try in the box, from me. I choose these exercises after talking to these people because I’m convinced that it will improve their love life. It’s not about problems, it’s about people who want to spice up their love life.

How will it differ from the pilot?

Of course there are some practical things, like there are two boxes. But it’s very intimate. It’s a very warm show, people can relate to it. If you want to talk about sex it has to be warm, and it has to be a little bit funny. That makes it easier to open up, and the whole show is designed to make it easier to talk about sex. It is warm and it is funny, and less academic.

You’re a clinical sexologist – what does that mean?

I’m a clinical psychologist, and after that I specialised in sexology – I went to medical university in Leuven, and that’s where I studied sexology. I worked as a couples therapist in a clinic, where people come with sexual and relationship problems.

Can you tell us a little about the people who go into the box?

The production team did a great job, because we have some very nice and very real couples, everyday, normal people who really wanted to learn something.

What’s it like inside the box?

It’s like a very nice, hotel room, with some cosy lights and a nice bed. It’s very cosy!

Do the people taking part get nervous? Did you have anyone who changed their mind at the last minute?

I think most of them are a bit nervous, as everybody is when they’re appearing on TV. For some people that’s a good thing – more stimulating to do what they have to do. For other people, it might have a different effect. That’s very individually different. I had one woman – I was surprised that only one had it – who couldn’t forget, as she was in the box, the audience and me being out there. So it didn’t work out for her, but that’s perfectly fine.

Did you have any favourite guests?

No, I think they are all so brave, the people who have the courage to talk on TV about their love life. They’re English, remember. And they want to explain what they do and what they don’t do. It’s all done with a lot of respect. I think they’re all very brave.

Do you think British people are more reserved about sex than their European counterparts?

Yes, I do think so. Especially if you compare it to Dutch people. Dutch people are very used to talking about their emotions, and about sex as well. I’m often surprised, talking to couples here, that they don’t communicate about their sex life. They hardly seem to know what the other one likes and doesn’t like. Sometimes they don’t even know what they like themselves. If you want to have a great love life, you have to be able to talk about it.

What do you think explains the difference in attitude?

It’s a cultural thing, but why is it so? I think you need a few brave people, like our couples, to open up. It’s about to change now, I feel it already.

What’s the secret to a good sex life?

I get asked this question so often – “Give me one good trick, one good secret,” and that is communication. And by that I don’t just mean talking. It’s also about learning to read your partner, to pay attention to non-verbal communication, like little movements and listening to their breathing going up and down, all those things. People aren’t washing machines, you can’t just push this button and then that one and it will start churning. That’s not how it works.

Do you bring your own sexual experiences into the conversation?

Never in the conversation. We’re trained, we spend seven years at University to train to talk about sex, but we’re trained not to talk about our own sex lives. Because if you’re in therapy, if as a therapist you talk about your own sex life, then it becomes the norm, and suddenly someone is saying to their partner “You see, Dr Liekens gives blow jobs as well, so why don’t you do it?” So we never, ever talk about ourselves.

Is the actual box a bit of a gimmick? Couldn’t we have open and frank discussions about sex without the box?

It would be possible to a certain extent, but it’s not a gimmick. When these people come out of the box, it’s just happened, so their answers are that much more open and honest and fresh. This is because it’s so recent in their minds.

Are you still learning and discovering things about sex?

Even at my age I do, yes. But as I told you, I won’t tell you what or how or why. But of course I am. And the good thing about my profession, as with all medical professions, is that we’re learning so much still. We can now put people making love under a camera. We couldn’t do that 20 years ago. People learning and finding new things all the time.