My Transsexual Summer - an interview with Drew

28 October 2011

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This autumn, Channel 4 is showing My Transsexual Summer, a four-part series following seven transgender men and women as they come together to share their intimate and on-going experiences of changing gender. The result is a moving, funny and inspirational look at what it is to be transgender in Britain in 2011.

Drew, a bubbly and vivacious 22-year-old from Wakefield, came out as a woman in 2007. In this frank and fascinating interview, she talks about her experiences growing up in the ‘wrong' body, and explains why taking part in this series has been a life-changing event.

 

When did you first realise that there was something different about you?
I always knew, from a really young age, that there was something different about me. I grew up in a female environment with two sisters and a mum [Drew's dad was in the Paras, and was away a lot] surrounded by dolls to play with. They never really questioned my behaviour, so I never questioned it myself. It wasn't until I got into my early teens, and started getting bullied really badly, that I began to question myself. I ended up assuming that I was gay. I wanted to be a woman, and I liked men, and I thought that's what all people felt like. Then I found out what a transsexual was, and I thought "Okay, this is me, this is what ‘m supposed to be." But I didn't know how to go about it, so I kept it secret for a long time. Then it all came out at the end of 2006, when I was 18, and I started living as a girl in 2007. I was referred to a gender clinic in Sheffield, but they told me the waiting list was three years, but I thought "I'm not going to wait three years to start living the life I want to live" so I've been living as a woman ever since.

 

How did you tell your family?
Once I left high school I started getting really depressed, and it got to the point where my mum couldn't handle it any more, and she ended up going to the doctor for me. And she told them that she had an idea that I was either gay or transsexual. She basically came into my room one night and said "Look, are you gay?" and I said "No." And she pretty much went through every label you could think of, and then she got to transsexual, and I said yes, and just started crying. She always knew that it wasn't really natural for little boys to be dressing up in girls' clothes and playing with Barbie dolls. So she ended up approaching me about it, and it was the best thing that could have happened.

 

How did the rest of the family react?
They support me 100 per cent. They haven't disowned me or anything like that. They think I'm a lot happier. We've all been brought up to not judge others, so it's been easier for them to handle it. We accept everyone for who they are, not what they are.

 

That acceptance can be comparatively rare with the families of transgender people, can't it?
Yeah. I've had it easy, I can always rely on my family for support. I know that doesn't happen in a lot of trans families. I find that really sad. That's their child, they shouldn't stop loving them, they should just accept it.

 

What was the response from other people, outside your immediate family?
The first interaction I had with people when I started living as a woman was when I went back to college. Everyone was really nice to me, and accepted me. But when I left, and got a part-time job in a club, reactions were different. I got a lot more comments, and people asking really inappropriate questions.

 

Have you had any really aggressive reactions?
I've never had anyone physically attack me. I guess I've had a lot of harsh comments thrown at me, if I'm walking down the street, gangs of guys just take the mickey out of me, and say really horrible things. It's really sad that people can be like that.

 

Why did you decide to take part in this series?
When I was contacted about it, and heard about the message they wanted to put across, I thought it was really inspiring. With a lot of other documentaries about trans people, it's just been a case of seeing someone called John who becomes Jenny, and it follows them through surgery, and you don't really get to know about their day-to-day life. So I wanted to show people that trans people have normal lives, we all go out shopping, and work. We're just normal, and I wanted people to get the chance to see me as a normal person.

 

Did you have any misgivings about taking part?
Before the documentary, I could pass for a girl with a lot of people, and I was questioning whether or not I should do it because then everyone would know I was transgender. And I wondered if people would look at me differently. But then I really thought about it, and maybe it'll lift the weight off my shoulders. If people know what I am and who I am, they won't have to question it any more, and I might get treated like a normal person.

 

Have you seen any of the series?
I've watched the first episode.

 

What do you think?
I thought it was really inspiring. It was really well done, and I think a lot of people will look at trans people in a different light. Normally there are only two types of trans people shown in the media - the really passable ones, and the not-so-passable ones. For me, everyone in the series represents a different type of person. All trans people are different, and we all represent ourselves in a different way.

 

What did you find the experience of taking part in the series like?
Truthfully, it's been the best experience I've ever had, and the most life-changing one. I began with not much confidence, and I'd never met another trans person before - I'd only seen people on the internet. To be around six amazing people and be able to feel you're normal, and to be able to ask the questions that you want answered, was just amazing. It's incredible what it's done for me, and I wouldn't change it at all. If anything bad comes out of it, and I get a lot of abuse from passers-by on the street, at the end of the day it's still been the best thing, and it'll definitely be something I'll never regret.

 

One of the other people in the house was Sarah, who was just starting to live as a woman, and was finding her feet. You took her under your wing a little, didn't you?
Yeah, I really latched on to her. I wanted to make her feel like she belonged there, and she's no different to any of us.

 

Did you see yourself from a few years ago in her?
Yes, I think that's what it was. I didn't have any confidence whatsoever - I still had confidence issues when we started filming, but I'm a lot different now. But when you're first starting out it's tough. With Sarah, if she wanted me to help her with her make-up, I would. It's really weird, because I saw myself in pretty much everyone, and there were people I hoped to be like one day. I'd love to have 100 per cent confidence, like Donna. With Sarah, I just hope that she has the best future, and everything goes well for her.

 

Do you think the experiences of transgender males and transgender females differ at all?
I think it's a lot easier for trans men when it comes to hormones, because they 100 per cent transform you to make you look like a man.  Whereas with trans women, it's a lot more difficult on hormones. If you've gone through male puberty and have masculine features, female hormones won't get rid of that, you have to go through surgery. But then again, Lewis [a trans man in the series] and I have had very similar experiences. We both have part-time jobs, our families have been exactly the same when it comes to the support. Our lives have been very similar.

 

What was the most difficult part of being in front of the cameras all day?
To be honest, you don't really notice the cameras, you kind of forget about them. I think, personally, the most difficult part was being interviewed, and there were things that I thought I was okay with, when really I wasn't. There were things I thought I'd got over, but when I was asked about them, I realised I still had things I was holding on to that I needed to forget. Other than that, the hardest thing was showing myself without my make-up. The reason I did that was because I wanted people to see what I go through every day, and wanted them to see the transformation every day. It's only make-up, and I really don't look that good without it. I wanted people to get the sense that it doesn't matter what you look like, you can easily change your entire face with make-up.

 

The retreat was absolutely beautiful, wasn't it?
It was amazing. It wasn't at all what I'd pictured. I'd been told it would be a beautiful place, but I'd kind of expected it to be really small. But when we got there, I thought it was straight out of a fairy tale.

 

Humour seemed to play a big part with all of you.
Yeah. Like everyone else, we want to have a laugh and have fun. I know that the whole transgender label is on us all, and can be a serious issue, but I think we just wanted people to see us as normal people. We're not all surgery and hormones, we can have a laugh and stuff. The minute we met each other, we all gelled really well, and I think that's why we all had such a laugh together. The bond was just amazing from day one.

 

Did anyone find themselves attracted to anyone else? Was there any romance?
I can't say, because I don't really know if people fancied one another, but I know we all thought that people looked good. I mean, I like men, but I saw Donna and I thought that she looked beautiful. But that doesn't mean I was attracted to her. I think w all just looked at each other and thought "They look really good."

 

What were the high and the low points of the whole experience for you?
I think the whole thing was a high point. Meeting everyone, people who could give you advice, was amazing. I think the main highlight that I was really proud of as when I did Sarah's make-up. It was nice to have someone be inspired by me, rather than me be inspired by others. I've looked up to other trans women for so many years, and it was nice to have someone come to me for advice. That was an honour. I think the low point was discovering things about myself that I realised I had to let go. Just because we're transgender shouldn't stop us from having a normal life and a good time. I think I got really down about that, because I realised that for a long time my life, which I thought was good, actually wasn't. It's not normal to be stuck in the house all the time, only going out when you need to go shopping, or when you have to go to work. I should get out there more and meet new people, and I realised I should have been doing that a long time ago.

 

What are your ambitions for the future?
Surgery-wise I hope to have a boob job one day. But my main goal is to get a full-time job. I'm only working two nights a week, as a barmaid in a nightclub for a few hours, and I just want a full time job to be able to pay rent and earn my money and be proud to have worked hard to get a wage at the end of the week. I'd want to go into the hair and beauty industry, and either be a hairdresser or a make-up artist.

 

What would you like the people who watch the programme to take away from it?
I hope that people look at it and realise that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. We're just getting on with our lives, like they are. I hope it makes them look at trans people in a different way. We're not all about hormones and surgery, that's just a small percentage of our lives. I think people think that when you take hormones and have surgery, that's it, your transition's over. It's not, it's a lifelong journey.

 

My Transsexual Summer is on Tuesdays from 8th November at 10pm on Channel 4.

By Benjie Goodhart