Vernon Francis Gallagher Curriculum (un)vitae

12 July 2012

Date of Birth: Mind your own business. Young enough to f*ck your missus

Address: The greatest city in God's creation. Not that God exists (though if any Muslims are reading this, I do not entirely discount your version of events and consider you friends)

 

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

2010 to present

Conscientious objector to war on society perpetrated by Iggle-Piggle Cameron and the last-ever Liberal Party leader

 

1997 to 2010

Unable to work, claimed Disability Benefit

Comments: Unable to work due to conspiracy of US Government and Saudis; and the Bush family; and Ricky Gervais (‘cause be honest, he must be connected)

Disappointment in Anthony Lyton Blair (2001 to 2010) didn't help

 

1994 - Roadie for Oasis

Comments: Dysfunctional family, definitely no relation....but still named my youngest lad Liam didn't I

 

1983, July

North Manchester Council Grass Cutting Service

Comments: Completed 8 days, despite crippling hay fever and loads of other allergies

 

1982 - DJ at the Hacienda Club

Comments: I'm the only one who'd read The Situationalist International Handbook but the Hacienda was Madchester and Es

 

1974 to 1981 - Enforced career break due to unreliability of Rubber Johnnies (rebranded "Condoms") and alleged paternity

 

1974 - Special Advisor to Rt. Hon Harold Wilson

Comments: MI5 had it right

 

1973, June to August - Sewer Maintenance Technician's Assistant

Comments: I hawked shite all day.  Not unlike our current Chancellor, except I finished school and understood my shite

 

Special Skills:

Fertility; debating; mass-debating; fluent in Mandarin; Recorder, Grade II; phallic girth

Full Clean Driving Licence (Own: unused)

 

*Some of the information above has been gleaned from archived documentation and may be considered fairly reliable, the remainder has been provided directly by Mr. Gallagher.  This department cannot be held responsible for the contents of this document.

Frank gets a job…. Shameless. New series starts with a double episode in September at 10pm on Channel 4 (Date TBC)