In formal appreciation of Mr Alan Carr and Gogglebox

Horseferry Road, London. 10:15hrs, Thursday 22nd January in the Year of Our Lord 2015.

Channel 4 would like to formally place on record its gratitude and admiration in respect of the notable honour accorded to the venerable Mr Alan “Alan” Carr at last night’s prestigious National Television Awards. The Awards, voted for by the Great British public under a system of universal suffrage, recognise the best personnel and programming depicted televisually over the past calendar year. Mr Carr was named the Best Host in a genre known colloquially as the “chat show”, wherein Mr Carr and his invited guests expound on topics as variegated as politics, the Gold Standard, and the extent or otherwise of Rihanna’s bootyliciousness.

Furthermore, Channel 4 would like to express in the strongest manner possible its appreciation of the extraordinary success of Gogglebox, which was named Best Factual Programme at the awards, thanks to the good taste and refinement of the esteemed electorate. Gogglebox, the show in which we are allowed to watch, on our cathode ray tubes, other individuals watching their respective cathode ray tubes, and commenting thereon, is indeed a work of genius that has won multifarious awards.

Back of the net. Whatever that means.