Interview with Fern Britton for Time Crashers

12 August 2015

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Why did you want to do the show?

That’s a good question, actually – I don’t know! Now I’m getting older, I can sort of choose if I do something or not, I think, “Would I watch that?” and the answer was yes! Also it’s very intriguing to know that you’re going to be just thrown into all these different time eras without knowing where you are and who you are and what you are, so it’s very exciting.

 

How did you feel about being cut off?

I quite like it! I can live without my phone… well; I can live without everything except probably the radio. The thing I missed most of all was my wedding ring and second was the radio.

           

I suppose it must feel odd to take off your wedding ring?

Yes – I’ve been wearing this one for over 15 years, and also it’s a very simple one, but Phil and I have the same, and as the children have got older, we’ve given them one as well. It was weird not to have it.

 

Was the fact that it wasn’t a popularity contest important to you?

Yes. I have nothing against those shows as a viewer, I love – my big secret crush – Celebrity Big Brother, I love it. So I have nothing against those shows, and nothing is better than I’m a Celebrity, but I personally would not like to take part in them.  So this is different because it had a real essence of learning something as well, and working as a team.

 

What did you think of the outfits?

Well, I never actually saw myself in them because there were no mirrors! I’ve seen the photos now. Some of the outfits were wonderfully comfortable, the one from the Middle Ages, we were squires, was lovely because we were men! The girls had to be men, and we loved that, because we were in comfortable clothes, no corsets, and flat shoes, comfortable boots, and we had a real ball, that was great. We were treated like men, which was lovely. I enjoyed that. And then the other one, some of the corsetry through the ages was incredibly painful, and in the eras when we had to stay overnight, it was virtually impossible to get yourself undressed and out of your corsets to sleep. It was very, very cold, we obviously had no heating, no hot drinks, no hot showers – we were living the life.

 

What was your favourite era?

Funnily enough, it was the Victorian time. We were fishwives and fishermen, and we were down on the east coast somewhere, and it was bloody cold and wet and windy – it was really good graft, and we all worked together as a team, which is lovely because sometimes in big houses, during whichever eras, we were split up, so there were upstairs servants, downstairs servants, yard servants, kitchen servants, and some people would be the lowest of the low and others would be really rather smart servants, and they would be telling us off, and we’d be like, “Hang on a minute, mate!”. So I think that particular one, although it was very hard work that day and we were working with fish and shellfish all day long, and it was filthy and stinky and it was cold and it was wet, but it was the best day. Apparently we really stank afterwards!

 

What would you say was the worst moment?

I don’t think any of us really liked Edwardian. You’re blindfolded and led like someone with no sight at all, which we didn’t have, into wherever it was – it might have been a field, a drawing room, a kitchen, an abattoir, anything. You would be put into place and you would stand and you would wait and you would wait, and then suddenly they take off your robe and your blindfold, but you have to keep your eyes shut, and then they shout, “Open your eyes!” and you Time Crash into place. You look around and you think, “Where the bloody hell am I?” So the worst one was when we arrived in this Edwardian drawing room, and Meg, Louise and I all were in this gorgeous room, all dressed in long black dresses and little white lace caps and a white lace apron, so we knew we were somewhere around the 1900s. Someone we’d never met before came in; dressed in period clothes, and start bossing us about and then we just had to get on with it. What was awful was the housekeeper there, she was only doing her job, and maybe they were trying to wind me up, you know, “We’re going to pick on Fern today.” My God, she did! She reminded me of one of my old teachers at school, and it just pressed that button after 40 years! Let me tell you, this woman hated me.

 

So it wasn’t like Downton Abbey then?

No! Nothing like bloody Downton Abbey. The lord and lady of the house, as they did in Edwardian times, couldn’t be bothered to learn your name, so all the girls were Jane and all the boys were James. So when the lady of the house is shouting at you, “Jane! Jane!” all of us stopped and looked at each other because we didn’t know which one she’s talking to!

 

Did you have any preconceived ideas about any of the celebs before you went in?

I didn’t know who was going to be there until we got to the first location. I was in a room and I couldn’t see anybody, and I looked behind me, and there was a very pretty girl looking like something from The Girl With the Pearl Earring, it was that sort of colour and painting and setting, and it was lovely Zoe Smith, who is one of our Commonwealth Games. She’s tiny, young, and beautiful, and she can lift 90kg above her head! I said to her, “Hello, I’m Fern,” and she said, “Hello, I’m Zoe.” I met Louise Minchin when she was trying to wash clothes in a bucket of urine! She was out in the freezing cold, washing these clothes in a cold bucket of urine with Meg Mathews, and then Kirstie came along and she was looking for food for the kitchen and went, “Hi, I’m Kirstie.” Oh, my God! “Er, hello, Kirstie.” And Keith Allen was much further up the chain than I was; he was being trained up as a house servant for the gentleman of the house. Then Greg Rutherford came striding in, it was extraordinary! I’m like, “Hello, hello…” It was the first time we knew who was with us for this journey.

 

Did you bond with anybody in particular?

Kirstie and I seemed to get up earlier than anyone else so we’d talk about our lives and chat, I was very fond of her, it was wonderful to meet her and spend time with her. She used to call me, in her fantastic voice, “Hey, Fernando!” and she gave me a lovely bottle of very special bath oil to take home with me, which was lovely. She was very giving and sharing and very funny and I loved Meg Mathews, I really loved her, she was great. And Jermaine, and… yes, it was very special.

 

Did you to do something disgusting with a boar’s head?

I was given a whole, severed boars head, and I had to skin it so that the whole face, every part of it, came off whole. So I had to take the skull out, and it was all eyes and tongue and teeth, it was horrendous – but I managed it! I think Phil would be proud of me! I’d rather not do it again, but I know how to do it!

           

Would you recommend it to any of your friends?

Oh, gosh - yes! Absolutely I would recommend it. It’s wonderful, and you’re not put into things that you can deal with as a human being, but it gives you such an insight into how our forefathers worked, and what a bloody easy life we have now, my gosh.

 

And finally, why should TV fans tune in to Time Crashers?

Oh, I think because it’s very informative, but I think it’s going to be very funny as well. I think it’s going to be very funny.

 

Time Crashers is on Channel 4 from Sunday 23rd August at 8pm.